The HR Derby and All Star Game Suck Now

10 07 2012

I can’t be the only one out there who gets way more jacked up for the Legends/Celebrity softball game that’s on after the Derby than both the Derby and the All Star game. I remember when both were a huge event even though they didn’t actually “count” (which is still fuckin stupid by the way). Is it a huge problem in the NBA and NHL when the team with the best record in the regular season is the home team in the championship? Throw out the whole “the national league is easier than the american league so that’s not fair” bullshit, because there’s so much god damn interleague play now that it makes me sick. Interleague was cool when it started way back when in 1997, but now it’s so overdone and is no longer a novelty. Now, I’m sitting here after having seen the Red Sox drunkenly stumble through 6 series, why should I be so excited about the All Star game?

You know what happens next year? The stupid Astros join the American League. Thank the good lord in all of his mightiness! That is going to make everyone so excited that such an amazing team will be in contention for the AL pennant. Oh the drama, the fuckin humanity. For those of you who don’t realize it, that means that each league will have 15 teams, which means interleague play will happen ALL SEASON LONG. Every moment of the season will feature one interleague series. Maybe the only sensible solution is to just tell like the Astros and the Cubs that they have to forfeit a series once a month so that everyone can take some time off from having to watch pitchers hit and get hurt running the bases (because apparently that’s really hard to do now?). It’s going to make the All Star game even more boring than it already is. It’s like when you’re 10 years old and only have dial up so every time you see some cleavage you need to tuck your 10 year old boner into the wasteband, but then once you’re older and have high speed and HD pornos to watch on the reg, the cleavage doesn’t do as much for you.

I remember 1999, having dial up and the All Star game at Fenway. Every 10 year old in New England was sportin half chubbies when Kelly Kapowski showed up on Saved by the Bell and getting chills watching Pedro Martinez go to town on National League hitters in the All Star Game (see the videos below). Now it’s 2012, high speed internet is everywhere, and we’ll tune in tomorrow (or won’t) to see people we’ve seen all season long. Yippee. At least I can watch Jenny Finch and some victoria secret models play softball with some of the greatest players who ever lived. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, really.

Anyways, watch these Pedro/’99 ASG videos and tell me you feel the same way about the All Star game as back then. If you do, you’re an idiot.

– Dood


PS- Jonathan Papelbon said Monday that David Ortiz means more the the Red Sox than Ted Williams… that Philly weed he’s smoking must be craaaaaaazy.





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